A reader writes:
I work in a division of 9 individuals. All of us get alongside effectively, however I’m battling how you can deal with my frustrations with my colleague, Margo. Margo is presumably probably the most well-intentioned individual I’ve ever met, however she has the infuriating behavior of bringing each dialog again to herself to elucidate how she understands or has been by means of the identical factor.
This week, the transmission in my automobile died. Once I was lamenting to the group that I used to be now dealing with the monetary hardship of both repairing it or shopping for a brand new automobile, Margo advised me, “I get it. I simply had to purchase model new tires for my automobile.”
A month in the past, a colleague’s father handed away and Margo advised her, “I’m sorry. I do know simply how you’re feeling. My dad had Covid final 12 months.” He had a light case and recovered shortly.
When a colleague was coping with ache associated to her most cancers therapies, Margo expressed her concern after which shared that she completely bought it as a result of she has foot issues.
The dad and mom within the group strive to not discuss an excessive amount of about our youngsters as a result of not everybody within the division is a mother or father, however when the topic comes up, Margo is aware of precisely what we’re going by means of as a result of she has a nephew … who lives on the opposite aspect of the nation.
Margo really doesn’t imply hurt with these statements however the way in which she minimizes others’ ordeals by evaluating them to her personal is irritating. Is there a strategy to politely let her know that merely saying she’s sorry is preferable to bringing all the things again to herself?
I might like to know whether or not Margo is attempting to one-up individuals — or at the least equate her struggles to their very own — or whether or not she’s really attempting to empathize and simply doing a horrible job of it.
Both approach, that is the type of suggestions a supervisor is greatest positioned to deal with.
That doesn’t imply you possibly can’t strive it your self, however as not her supervisor you may be higher off simply addressing it within the second when it’s notably egregious. If she compares a stubbed toe to a coworker having most cancers therapies, there’s no cause you possibly can’t say, “I don’t assume these are actually comparable.”
Additionally, if in case you have a fairly good rapport along with her, you may be capable of take her apart privately and say one thing like, “I do know you didn’t imply it this fashion, but it surely sounded such as you had been evaluating your stubbed toe to Jane’s most cancers, and a few days in the past you in contrast a mother or father with a light case of Covid to Falcon’s mother or father who died. I do know you didn’t imply to attenuate both scenario, however I don’t assume these feedback are touchdown the way in which you supposed. I wished to say it since I do know you’d by no means wish to harm somebody’s emotions.”
Will it work? Possibly, possibly not. Should you say the above and nothing modifications, you in all probability simply must determine that that is what Margo does and internally roll your eyes when it occurs (or hell, bluntly reply “not the identical factor!” once you’re impressed to). Nevertheless it’s price a shot, and if she’s actually as well-intentioned as you say, she may be thankful for the heads-up.
